Wedding of the Century
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Third story in my NCIS/CM trilogy regarding JJ/Rossi. Read on to find out if that wedding can really come off without a hitch. As ever, we don't own Criminal Minds or NCIS. Co-written with Tonnie.
1. Chapter 1

The Wedding of the Century

Chapter 1

Propping his chin against his hand, Dave Rossi fought a grin as he engaged in his favorite activity - watching his beautiful bride-to-be. Currently pacing his spacious office in front of the windows behind him, her brow furrowed in consternation, Jennifer Jareau soon to be Rossi was fighting the overwhelming urge to stomp her feet like a child. Glaring out the window, David watched as she frowned again.

"Jen-," he began.

"Don't say it, Dave! I mean it! I am NOT overreacting. We've got an outside wedding planned, damn it! Two hundred people are gonna get rained on tomorrow if this doesn't stop!" she yelled, gesturing wildly out the window. "It's been raining for DAYS!"

"It's been raining for," he said patiently, glancing at his watch, "approximately forty-five minutes. I'm PRETTY sure that doesn't qualify as days, honey."

"Oh, shut up! It's been cloudy for days then! It's just picked NOW, the eve of our wedding, to pour from the heavens! It's a sign, Dave! I'm telling you," she said, glaring at him, "This is a sign!"

"Yeah, it's a sign that the draught seizing the city is finally over," Dave replied, settling back in his leather chair. "It'll let up, babe. It's just a little shower."

"It'll be a monsoon by morning! Just you wait and see!" JJ grumbled, crossing her arms over her waist. "Swear to God, if I have to build an ark to get to the church, I'm not gonna be happy!"

"Well, I haven't heard any reports of the animals pairing off and God didn't send me a memo to start gathering wood, so…" Dave began, rising to step behind her.

Turning sharply, JJ pushed a pointed nail into his chest, growling, "NOT funny, Dave!"

Gently letting his hands settle against her narrow hips, Dave stared down at the worried woman in front of him. "Listen to me, JJ. Nothing is going to keep us from getting to that church tomorrow. Nothing. God wouldn't be that cruel, babe. He already sent your parents from hell and your psychotic brother. This is gonna go off without a hitch."

"Oh, God, don't even mention my family to me," JJ moaned with a shiver, stepping into his arms. "Mama alone is enough to make me want to find the nearest bridge and jump!"

"Or drive you to drink," Dave mumbled. "Oh wait, she already did that, didn't she?"

Smacking his arm, JJ turned to stare back out the window, sighing as David wrapped his arms around her from behind. "And, Tony," she continued, leaning against him. "Him letting daddy show up the way he did! I could kill him!"

"Oh, don't worry. I plan on paying that boy back in spades, babe."

"And then there was that fiasco that you call a bachelor party. Morgan is going to pay for that one until the day he dies. And beyond, if I have my way!"

"Hey," Dave grinned, nuzzling her neck, "I kinda enjoyed my party. There were definitely some memories made that evening that I plan on pulling out every now and again. Especially the ending."

Stepping out of his arms, JJ gazed at him with warning. "Regardless, Dave, I'm seriously beginning to believe that we're cursed. Somewhere along the way, I pissed off the powers that be. I thought we could fly under the radar. Have a nice quiet little wedding and get on with our life together. Fate is conspiring against us though! NOTHING about this has gone according to schedule. First we had to find another church at the last minute due to a gas leak. Then the caterers double booked us with another wedding. Then, the florist fell off the ladder…"

Shaking his head, David pulled JJ back into his arms. "And despite everything, we've managed to find a way around it all!" Tightening his grip on the anxious woman in his arms, Dave whispered, "We ARE getting married, Jennifer. I've waited too long and fought way too hard to allow anything to ruin this for me, woman! No damn curse, voodoo hoodoo, or mother-in-law from hell is gonna stop me from making you mine!"

"You say that now," JJ muttered against his shirt, "but, I just don't think it's gonna be as simple as you'd like to think. History is teaching me otherwise."

Tipping her face up to his, Dave shook his head again. Laughing, David replied, "Honey, trust me on this. We're due a break. Nothing bad is gonna happen!"

"Now, why the hell did you have to go and say THAT," JJ groaned as her future husband's mouth cut her off.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Nothing bad's gonna happen, babe. Trust me, babe," JJ mimicked, pacing back and force in front of Penelope Garcia's daunting bank of computers. Turning to stare daggers at her longtime friend, JJ raged, "HOW in the name of hell could he SAY that, Pen? That's just like saying, 'Yeah, God! Strike me down! I like the thrill!'"

"Gumdrop-"

"I mean really! It's friggin Murphy's damn Law! If it can go wrong, then it will go wrong! He just double cursed us. And then he laughed! That idiot actually laughed at me! We'll see if he's laughing tomorrow when the church implodes around our collective heads! Then I'LL be laughing!"

"I thought we were doing the wedding on the church grounds," Penelope asked timidly.

"Have you looked outside, Pen!? It's pouring! Raining cats and dogs," JJ raged.

"Uhmm, Jayje," Pen hesitantly said, looking out the window. "It's barely sprinkling out there, hon."

"Don't worry, come tomorrow, I'm sure it will be a veritable flood. That's MY luck! Garcie, you've got to help me here! I'm losing it," JJ moaned.

"I think she already lost it, Baby Girl," Morgan murmured from his position in the corner of the room.

"Oh, shut up!" JJ snapped. "You're still not out of trouble for your role in all my troubles. My daddy's seen me half naked, no thanks to you!"

"And, on that note, I'm out of here," Morgan said, pushing away from the wall and walking over to give Garcia a peck on the cheek. "Good luck, sweetness," he muttered. "I think you're gonna need it!"

"Run, my Chocolate God of Hunkiness!" Garcia hissed, as she watched JJ step threateningly toward Morgan.

Watching Derek jog toward the door, JJ muttered, "You've got to do something, Penny! You and Abby are virtual Goddesses. There's got to be some technological cure or voodoo counter spell to equalize my chances against the Powers That Be! Get on the internet and do your thing! Or call Abs and get her cookin' up some of her hocus pocus!"

"Abs will be here soon, Angelfish. I'm sure between her, me and Emily, we'll be able to figure something out," Garcia soothed, privately thinking that they were going to have to go old school on JJ and get her trashed. She was much happier when she was slightly inebriated. Glancing up as the door to her lair opened, Penelope breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Emily walk in. "Look, Angel! Reinforcements!!"

Taking in JJ's agitated face, Emily looked at Garcia. "I was only gone ten minutes. What the hell is wrong with her?"

"Our little Gumdrop seems to be convinced that this wedding is an exercise in futility… ergo, it ain't never gonna happen," Penelope explained.

"It's gonna happen, Jayje," Emily said firmly. "I haven't spent the last week dealing with your mother for nothing! Swear to God, if that woman makes one more comment about my hair, I'm gonna take my hair dryer and shove it up her ass! What the hell brought this on? Has the priest died now or something?" Emily asked, looking at Garcia.

Shrugging, Penelope replied, "All I know is she showed up in my office a bit ago swearing and declaring at the top of her tiny lungs that this wedding was doomed to failure and begging me to find an anti-curse. She's been muttering about ancient Druid luck for the last ten minutes or so. At that point, I decided I might need a little help in here so I paged you."

Sitting down beside a babbling JJ, Em covered JJ's hand. "Okay, JJ, tell us what's wrong. We've got an hour before we have to get you over to the church for rehearsal. You and Dave should be getting ready to leave soon."

"Oh, Mr. Can't Be Bothered By My Crazy Future Wife is on a conference call regarding some urgent case in Nevada! We're gonna be on our honeymoon and those people are still gonna be ringing up for consultations. How the hell they get his number, I don't know. I've changed it three times in six months!"

"Angelfish, I think I can safely say that once that man manages to make you Mrs. David Rossi and whisks you away, he isn't gonna let anything tear him away from you! That man is so head over heels that it's nauseating. But, before any of that can happen," Pen said pleadingly, grabbing her other hand, "We've GOT to get through the actual event."

"But we're never going to, Penny," JJ moaned. "This world is conspiring against us! I know it!"

Looking at Penelope and exchanging a look with her, Emily nodded slightly, watching as Penelope reached for her oversized black bag of tricks.

"Sweetie, I didn't want to have to do this so early in the afternoon, but I don't think we've got a choice," Pen said, digging through her bag. "I was saving these to use as a little celebration after the rehearsal, but I think you need it more now," she continued, pulling out a small airline size amber bottle. Handing it to JJ, Penelope ordered, "Drinkie, drinkie!"

Eyes widening as Pen pressed the bottle into her hand, JJ shook her head. "I can't," she groaned. "I PROMISED David that I wouldn't touch his scotch today!"

"Good news then! That is neither scotch nor David Rossi's! It's from my personal private stash. You're all clear in the promise arena."

"I'm pretty sure it violates the spirit of the negotiation though," JJ muttered. Looking between the girls, JJ plaintitively said, "Just don't tell, Dave."

Downing the entire bottle in a single gulp, JJ handed the empty glass bottle back to Garcia. "I think I'm gonna need another. The entire family's gonna be at the church, guys."

Quickly fishing through her purse, Garcia quickly pulled out more bottles. Pressing them into JJ's hands, Garcia said, "Take two!"

"And give me one," Em said, reaching for the purse in Garcia's lap.

Watching the other two women down the liquor, Penelope sighed. "Twenty-four more hours, ladies, and we'll ALL be home free!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Following David Rossi out of his office, Hotch slapped his friend on the back. "You ready to do this one last time, Dave? Cause I gotta tell you, I'm really getting tired of this best man schtick."

"You? I'm doing this for the fourth time! And, I can very safely say that I'm doing it for the last damn time. Although, getting my future wife to believe that it's gonna happen at all is getting harder hourly. She's convinced that the apocalypse is gonna screw everything up!"

"You can say that again, man," Morgan interjected, joining the other two men on the treck down the BAU stairs. "She's with my Baby Girl now, railing about how fate is determined to ruin her big day!"

"Ain't happening," Rossi said with a firm shake of his dark head. "For a year, I've begged that woman to marry me. I finally got her to say yes and I'll be damned if I let anything or one take her or my son away from me! I've faced off with her father, made my peace that I'm going to have Satan's handmaiden for a mother-in-law and decided that her brother is just an unfortunate freak of nature. Nothing is going to stop me from making that woman my wife in the morning."

"So, you're really ready to take the leap again?" Hotch asked with a rare smile.

"I've been ready, willing, and able for months now! Eager is a tame word for what I am," Rossi replied. "She was the one slowing down progress. Now SHE'S ready and convinced that it's never gonna happen," Rossi growled throwing his hands in the air. "And, evidently, she's missing!" he said, looking around the bullpen. "She said to meet her here at exactly five o'clock! Where the hell is that woman?" he asked, anxiously looking around. "I swear, all I want to do is get her down the aisle, Aaron. I should have held my ground on going the Vegas route. We'd already be hitched by now!"

"Quit worrying, Chief! Em and Garcia aren't here yet, either. You know, as well as I do, we have to add fifteen minutes on to whatever time they say they'll be somewhere."

Suddenly stopping, Hotch flashed Dave a look. "Dave, your future mother-in-law isn't meeting us here is she?"

"Or her dad! That man scared the shit out of me yesterday. Showed up here and told me that if I ever touched his wife again that I'd be floating down the Potamac by morning! I thought they were divorced, man! And, aside from that, that night is not one of my finer memories," Morgan finished with a full body shiver.

Shaking his head at the two men, Rossi replied, "No, thank God! Her father swore to me this morning that he'd keep Emma occupied all day and get her to the church in just enough time for the rehearsal. And, by the way, Morgan, I don't have a hell of a lot of sympathy for you! You SLEPT with the woman! What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Derek moaned. "Hell, I don't even remember it! That woman took advantage of me! And now, evidently, she's shared our little encounter with JJ's dad! Her friggin' retired military DAD! The dad that taught her how to be one of the best friggin' shots in the FBI - dad!"

"Duck and cover, Morgan," Hotch muttered. "Duck and cover!"

"All I know is that I owe the man. Anybody that can keep that demon spawn in line gets my vote. How JJ turned out as perfectly normal as she did is beyond amazing! Look at her parental examples. I'm not ashamed to say that her mother scares me out of my damn mind!"

"Hey, at least she doesn't grab your ass every time you walk in a room," Hotch muttered.

"God forbid!" Rossi, said with a shiver of his own.

Here the girls come," Hotch said, nodding down the hallway.

Turning, Rossi hollered, "Come on, honey! Time's wasting here!" Stopping suddenly as he caught sight of his bride's flushed face, Rossi furrowed his eyebrows and frowned as he noticed how Emily and Penelope seemed to have one hand each on his woman guiding her down the hallway. Groaning, Rossi bit out, "Jennifer, you didn't, baby! We had a deal!"

"There he is, girls!" JJ called out happily. "There's my future husband waiting on me!"

Narrowing his eyes on her, he asked, "How much, honey? How much have you had?"

"Just a teeny weeny bit," JJ said, holding her fingers together in front of his face as she came to a stop in front of him. "They were really LITTLE bottles," she laughed.

"Six," Emily said flatly, meeting Rossi's eyes. "And I don't regret it a bit."

"If we hadn't done something, she'd have been hanging from the rafters, Agent Rossi! Honestly!" Penlope interjected.

"Are you gonna be okay to do this, babe?" Rossi asked, staring down at the blonde currently leaning against him.

"Oh, I'd say she's a damn site better than okay. She's three sheets to the wind. AGAIN!"

Morgan laughed.

"Oh, I love drunk JJ," Reid said joining them, clapping his hands.

"I am NOT drunk," JJ said dismissively, pushing away from David's chest and weaving on her feet.

Steadying her quickly, Dave wrapped an arm around her waist. "Honey, we need to get moving. We're gonna get off schedule if we don't."

"Did you happen to schedule time for her massive hangover in the morning?" Hotch asked under his breath.

"I swear, Dave, I needed that alcohol. It was a desperate situation," JJ reasoned, following him across the bullpen, her hand firmly ensconced in his as the team trailed behind them.

Stepping on to the elevator, Rossi sighed. "Okay, but that was absolutely it. I'm not gonna have your father saying that I had to get you drunk to marry me. And, I'd really like for you to remember our honeymoon."

Slapping his arm as she snuggled closer, JJ murmured, "I'm fine, Dave. I just needed a little sip to still my nerves."

"So, we're clear of ancient Egyptian curses now? No fear of the sky falling on our collective heads?" he smirked, fitting her small frame to his body..

"Nope, I've decided that I was being silly. I mean, what could happen at this point?" she giggled. "You just get me to the church on time," JJ said with a serene, if slightly drunken, smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Staring around the church nave, JJ asked frantically, "Where are they, Dave? They promised they'd be here on time! Tony assured me he'd get them here, safe, whole and in one piece! You heard him! He swore."

"Sweetheart, you know as well as I do that Tony works for one of the alphabets. Gibbs probably kept him out in the field for bringing your mother to work. God knows, it's something I would have done."

"If my idiotic brother pissed off Gibbs again and I get punished for it, I swear I'm going to emasculate him in this nice, fancy church. God will understand!!"

"Abby wouldn't," Leroy Jethro Gibbs said in his deep voice from the opening door. "Besides, Jen, I wouldn't do that to you on the cusp of your big day."

"He knows that I'd kill him twice. Gibbs punished him by making him spend the day with me in the lab. And his evile mother," Abby said flashing Gibbs a death glare before bouncing past him to enfold JJ in a tight hug. Dropping her umbrella, Abby chanted, "You're getting married! You're getting married!"

"Abs, I think she's aware of that fact. But I don't think Rossi wants to marry a corpse and if you keep squeezing her like that, she liable to die from strangulation. Release, Abs," Gibbs said, pulling the young Goth woman back to his side.

Holding out his arm, Rossi shook Gibbs hand. "Nice to see you again, Jethro. Keeping Dinozzo in line?"

"Trying. It seems to be a never-ending job though," Gibbs replied, turning as the door opened.

Stepping into the room and shaking like a dog, Tony grumbled, "Thank you both sooo much for offering to share the umbrella. I enjoy a mad dash through the rain, though. Invigorating," he sniffed.

"Rule Number Seven. Never whine. It makes you sound like a girl," Gibbs growled.

"Thanks, Boss," Tony said, throwing his chin out and nodding. Reaching out to hug JJ, he saw her take a step back against her future husband. "NOT feeling the love here, sis! A hug is the least you could do. After all, I took care of the parental units all day!"

"You?" Ziva chirped in disbelief as she and McGhee stepped through the door. "You did nothing. YOU sent that woman after ME! Now my hair will never be the same!" she yelled, pointing at her elaborate updo.

"Mom's got a thing about a girl's hair. You'll live," Tony said with a shrug.

"You may not," Ziva hissed back, punching him in the stomach.

"And she's got thing for pinching innocent unsuspecting guy's butts! You could have warned me, Tony," McGhee sniped.

"Deal with it, Probie," Tony said over his shoulder, moving toward JJ again.

"If it helps, I feel your pain, McGhee," Reid commiserated.

"We ALL feel your pain," Hotch muttered.

"Stop right there, Tony! My sisterly affection only extends so far. They got here early because of you and your big mouth. Besides, you'll get me all wet, I'll catch a cold that'll turn into pneumonia overnight and I'll have to miss my own wedding and honeymoon! No thanks!"

"You're best bet, Tony, is to stay three feet from your sister at all times with hands where she can see them. She has it on good authority that we seem to be jinxed by some ancient diety," Rossi snarked.

"I've met her parents, Dave. Doesn't seem too far off the mark to me," Gibbs said with a wink.

"Don't remind me," Rossi muttered.

Frowning at both men, JJ turned to her brother. "So where are they, Tony? What did you do with them? Tell me that you didn't turn daddy lose on the monsignor!"

"Who?" Tony asked blankly.

"Our parents, you moron! You were in charge of them! Don't tell me you lost them!" JJ said, slapping Tony's chest.

"They drove separately, Little Sister. Mommy and Daddy wanted some alone time, if you know what I mean," Tony added with a wink.

Covering her ears, JJ shook her head violently. "Ewwww!!! Not images I need on the day before my wedding, you jerk! They need to be here. We've only got the church for an hour and they're the only ones that haven't arrived!" JJ wailed.

Pulling JJ gently back to him, Dave soothed, "Honey, you're father was a drill sergeant. Always punctual, remember? He'll be here. And he'll drag the Devil with him. Don't worry."

"Stop calling mama names," JJ said absently.

"I don't know," Tony sang out. "Dear old mama has a way of making a man forget his name from what she told me."

"Oh, Gross!" JJ yelled.

"Gibbs, could you?" Rossi asked, meeting the other man's eyes with a nod at Tony.

"Not a problem," Gibbs assured him, leaning forward to smack Tony sharply on the back of the head.

"OUCH!" Tony yelled.

"Thanks," Rossi said with a satisfied nod as he held JJ against him.

Leveling Tony with a steely glare, JJ pointed at him. "I'm holding you responsible for this!"

"Hey! Not my fault that they're trying to make up for lost time, sis! At least they aren't trying to kill each other this time."

"NO! This is infinitely better, Tony! Now, instead of fearing for their continued safety in each other's company, I get nauseated every time I watch them making kissy faces!"

"Honey, calm down," Dave said in an even voice. "They'll be here."

Looking up into the face of the man she loved, JJ shook her head. "We're screwed, Dave. Monumentally screwed. This entire event is going to blow in our faces."

Looking across the room and meeting Garcia's eyes, Dave said, "I can't believe I'm asking this, but, do you have any more of those magical bottles in that purse of yours."

"Sorry, Agent Rossi," Garcia said, shifting Henry in her lap. "She cleaned me out."

"I got it covered," Gibbs said, pulling a flask from his pocket. "Rule forty-seven, always carry whiskey to a wedding. Medicinal purposes, you know?" Jethro said, handing over the silver container into Rossi's waiting hand.

"Only a sip, honey. If I know Gibbs, this stuff is lethal," David warned, holding the flask to her lips.

"It'll put some hair on your chest, that's for sure!" Abby piped up.

"I love you so much, David," JJ sighed before taking a healthy gulp. Sputtering as the liquid fire burned down her trachea, she gasped, "What IS that?"

"Moonshine," Gibbs grinned. "Abby tried to warn ya."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Freezing as the door to the rectory bounced off the wall, JJ watched as her mother breezed into the room. Dropping her raincoat onto Morgan's unsuspecting bald head, Emma held out her arms to her daughter, rushing forward. Followed by her father, JJ cringed as her mother wrapped her arms around her.

"Sweet girl! Your first wedding is almost here, honey!" Emma crooned.

Bristling, Rossi retorted, tightening his hand on JJ's waist, "Her first, her last and her ONLY, Emma."

Ignoring Rossi's tone, Emma offered in a stage whisper, "Now, you know, sweetheart, it's not too late to back out if you're having second thoughts. Your father and I will completely understand and support you in whatever you want to do."

"Emma, I swear to God-" Rossi began angrily, stepping toward her.

"Emma, don't anger the Italian," Thomas Jareau said patiently. "I'm sure the man is well connected. You'd hate to find a horse's head in our bed, wouldn't you?"

"Very funny, Jareau," Rossi growled. "I think Jennifer's made it real clear to you both what it is that she wants."

"Oh, yeah, she's been crystal clear, honey," Emma smirked.

"Mother," JJ sighed, "Will you please quit baiting my future husband? Both of you? We're doing this. I love him and he loves me. In spite of my family, I might add. Nothing is going to keep us from making our vows tomorrow. Absolutely nothing."

"What exactly is wrong with this family?" Thomas Jareau asked, frowning.

"Do you really want her to answer that, Dad?" Tony asked with a grin.

"I personally think that we're wonderfully entertaining. Some would even say colorful," Emma said breezily.

"You can say that again," Morgan mumbled.

"What was that, stud?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow.

Looking up, Morgan caught Thomas Jareau glaring at him. "Nothing."

"No, finish your thought, boy. I'd love to know what the man that slept with my wife thinks of my family!" Thomas growled.

"Now, Tommy! Don't get your dander up," Emma soothed, pressing a hand to his chest.

"Oh, God!" JJ groaned, reaching for Dave. "Gimme the flask, Dave!" she whispered frantically, searching his pockets.

"Get my dander up? I'll mess that boy's face up for what he did!" Thomas spat.

"Tommy, it was two years ago and the kid was drunk. Besides, nobody has a bigger tallywhacker than you, honey," Emma consoled.

Gasping at her mother's word, JJ squeaked, "Gimme that flask, David Rossi, right now!"

"Tallywhacker?" Tony choked.

"Hey!" Morgan said, insulted. "There's nothing wrong with my size!" he yelled standing.

Grabbing his arm, Penelope hissed, "Sit down before you get yourself killed."

Meeting Dave's eyes, Gibbs said in a low tone, "So glad this is happening to you and not me, Rossi."

"Thanks for your support, Jethro," Rossi sneered, trying to fight off JJ's frantically searching hands. "I gave it back to Gibbs, honey!"

"Yeah, this is gonna be the wedding of the century," Hotch sighed with an eye roll.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Several minutes later, after Rossi, Hotch, and Gibbs had wrestled a reluctant Thomas Jareau away from a cowering Derek Morgan using Emily, Penelope and Henry as human shields, Abby asked, "Uhhmmm, everybody? I'm pretty sure JJ may be having a stroke."

All eyes turned toward the beautiful blonde babbling in the corner, steadily working her way through the silver flask in her hand.

"Honey?" Dave said, stepping toward his woman.

"Is this stuff supposed to make your tongue numb?" JJ asked curiously, sticking out her tongue and poking it with her finger.

"Oh, sweet Lord," Tony strangled on his laughter.

Turning accusing eyes toward Emma, Thomas accused, "You promised me that you'd behave yourself tonight, Emma."

"I'M not the one that took the first swing, Tommy dear. And I most certainly did not give our girl that flask," Emma replied pertly.

"What did you have to promise to get that kind of vow from her, Dad?" Tony said smartly.

"Watch your mouth," Thomas warned evenly. "You aren't too old for a trip to the woodshed, kid."

Rossi watched as Gibbs slapped Tony on the back of the head. Sighing as he looked at Jennifer, he said, "Well, it looks like we're all present and accounted for now. We're all in one relative piece. Let's see if the Monsignor is ready for us, shall we?"

Grabbing JJ around the waist, he hoisted her to her feet. "This way, babe," he said softly, guiding her toward the heavy wooden doors leading to the church sanctuary. Feeling her stumble against him, Rossi steadied her, whispering, "Come on, sweetheart, we're almost there."

"Nothing is gonna go wrong, right?" JJ slurred.

"Nothing at all," Rossi smiled reassuringly. "Not a single solitary thing, Bella."

"I don't believe you, you know," JJ said flatly. "We're surrounded by insanity. Do you realize that my Baptist minister father just tried to kill another man inside a church?"

"I was there, honey. I'll have the bruises to prove it tomorrow," Rossi soothed.

"And my mama thinks my father has a bigger tallywhacker than Morgan," JJ said conversationally.

"Shhh, honey. No more talk about the male appendages, okay?" Rossi said, eying the priest at the end of the aisle.

"But I like your appendage," JJ said happily. "Personally, I think it's the biggest there is!"

"Exactly how big is it, sis?," Tony asked from behind them.

Hearing a sharp slap and a muffled "OW!", Rossi knew that Gibbs had his back once more.

"Good Lord, we're all gonna need to be collectively saved before this wedding is done," Emily groaned.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Nodding to the priest as Dave guided JJ to a stop in front of him, David smiled. "Father Donnatello, nice to see you again."

"David," the priest replied gravely. "It's been awhile. It would be nice to see you for something other than weddings. Perhaps, a confession or a baptism?"

"Ah, I'll have to see what I can do about that," Dave replied uncomfortably. "I believe we have everyone here now."

"You mean you aren't even a GOOD Catholic?" Thomas Jareau asked.

"Shhh, daddy!" JJ hissed.

"Have you both decided what kind of service you're looking for?" the Monsignor asked curiously.

"Fast," JJ said quickly. "Just a simple processional and ceremony."

Nodding and making a note on his pad, the priest asked, "And do you have a wedding coordinator?"

Pulling Garcia forward, JJ nodded. "Our friend Garcia will be the best little director you've ever seen, won't you, Pen?"

"Uhh, yes. Sure. No problem," Penelope said uncertainly.

"Now, honey, I thought I could help in that little area. Heaven knows, I've done this enough to be an expert, haven't I?" Emma said, stepping forward.

Inwardly wincing at the look on the Father's face, Rossi whispered, "Emma, I don't think…"

"Don't think, David. It's not what you're good at," Thomas growled.

"Excuse me?" the priest asked, distracted.

"Now, what I was thinking was that we need to jazz up this little wedding. Simple and understated is yesterday's news, sweetie," Emma said, looking at her daughter's paling face. "Maybe you should come down the aisle to the Mission Impossible theme. Let's face it, it would be fitting."

"Uh, Mom?" Tony whispered, seeing Rossi's face begin to purple.

"Or perhaps, Let's Get it On. I think I used that for my second wedding. Or maybe it was my third…"

"Mom!" Tony said louder, watching Dave's fist clench.

"What! Tony, can't you see that I'm trying to liven up this wedding," Emma said sharply.

Stepping forward, Thomas wrapped a strong arm around Emma's waist. "Emma," he said deeply, "Once again, we've already discussed this. I think Jennifer and the Catholic have their wedding mapped out just the way they want it."

"But it's so…so…" Emma said, searching for the right word. "Pedestrian."

"Be that as it may, Emmy, from music to rings, they've got it covered. Our only job is to stand and smile. Maybe not even stand. Just smile. You can do that, can't you?"

"Fine," Emma huffed. "But the next time around, I bet she listens."

"For the love of God, Emma, for the LAST time, this is going to be the ONLY time," Rossi thundered.

"Yeah, right," Emma muttered.

Seeing the tension on the engaged couples faces, Father Donnatello suggested, "Why don't we get everybody lined up and give this show a run through, shall we?"

Watching as Emily, Penelope and Abby progressed down the aisle, Rossi heard Tony whisper, "I honestly never thought I'd see my little sister doing this." Seeing JJ take her father's arm at the back of the church, he replied, "It took me long enough to get her talked into it." Glancing to his side, he asked, "You DO have the rings, don't you?"

Patting his pocket, Tony nodded. "Got those babies tucked in tight."

"Good. Those were my great-grandmother's prized possessions. I'm pretty sure that she'll show up from the grave to curse you tomorrow if you let anything happen to them."

"So, my sister isn't the only one that has a thing for curses lately. She's rubbing off on you, Rossi."

"She is at that. I just want to get us to tomorrow. The sun to shine and make your sister my wife. If you believe in God at all, Dinozzo, start praying that nothing else goes wrong."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

As David closed the SUV door and climbed into the driver's seat beside his beautiful future wife. He didn't know whether to be relieved or worried. JJ's buzz had long since worn off and her visions of their wedding's destruction had resumed. Leaning his head back against the leather seat, he reached out to enfold her hand in his. "Babe, you've got to let some of this go," he advised.

Turning in her seat, JJ affixed a frosty glare in his direction. "Let it go? Let it go, you say? Which part, Dave? Which part would you like for me to release. The part where my mother told our priest that he was too cute to be celibate and that if he didn't know what he was missing, she could find him someone to help?"

Fighting the urge to laugh, Rossi wisely kept silent as she continued.

"Or maybe I need to forget how my saintly mother yet again turned her sights on our boss!"

"In her defense, at least this time she wasn't trying to seduce him herself," Rossi said evenly.

"No!" JJ yelled, slamming her hand against the dashboard. "It's worse! This time she spent ten minutes telling him why she thought Emily would be a great lay - in detail!" Moaning, JJ tilted her head to rest it against the cool glass window. "Oh, God, it's only gonna get worse!"

"Hey," Dave said, lifting the armrest separating their seats and pulling her toward him, "You need to relax, honey. We'll get you to the hotel and you'll get a good night's sleep. Then, tomorrow will be much better. We'll finally make you Jennifer Rossi. The wedding will be just a memory and we'll get that honeymoon that I've been promising you."

"I still don't understand why we can't stay together tonight! I don't sleep without you!" JJ grumbled.

It definitely wasn't my idea," Dave snorted, massaging the nape of her neck as he fit her small body against his.

"It's all that damn Garcia and Emily's fault! There the ones that insisted we all spend the night at the hotel together. One last girls night, they said. And YOU paid for the freaking suite!" JJ accused.

Smoothing a hand up her bare leg, Dave grinned. "It was either that or have Garcia hack my credit card numbers. I really didn't have a choice, sweetheart."

"I wonder if the room at least has a mini-bar," JJ said wistfully. Seeing the disbelieving look cross his face, JJ quickly justified, "I need to relax."

Trailing his hand further up the inside of her leg, Dave murmured, "I've got a better way for you to relax, honey."

"Dave!" JJ gasped. "We're in a church!"

"We're in a dark, deserted church parking lot," Dave corrected, kissing her neck as his fingers continued their climb.

"Same difference," JJ objected breathlessly.

"Is not. Besides, you just said you needed to relax. Trust me, babe, I've got the cure," Dave breathed against her neck. "Come on, JJ. We've never done it in a car before," he whispered. "And we've definitely never done it in public."

"If my daddy has to bail us out for indecent behavior the night before our wedding, I'm gonna blame you," JJ threatened, catching her breath as his fingers slid beneath her satin panties.

"Is that a yes that I hear in the tight little voice of yours, honey?" Dave asked, smiling against her neck as her thighs widened to allow his exploration.

Moaning, JJ arched her body in the seat. "Damn you, David! We're both gonna need to go to confession after this!"

"Let's make sure it's a good one, then. Give that priest of ours a little thrill," David breathed, seizing her lips for a passionate kiss as he pulled her body astride his.

JJ's last coherent thought was that if she was going to hell…well, the journey might as well be pleasurable.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Long hot minutes later, Dave groaned his completion as JJ melted bonelessly against his chest.

Running warm hands over her heaving back, Dave smiled. "More relaxed now, Bella?"

"I can't believe we just did that," JJ muttered against his chest. "You are such a bad influence."

"Hate to tell you this, babe, but if you don't move, I'm liable to try to try to influence you again," he growled, lifting his hips to probe her flesh once more.

Catching her breath, JJ sighed against his neck. "You are such a bad man!" JJ moaned, beginning to slide down his velvet heat once more just as a knock echoed through the vehicle. "Oh God!" JJ yelped, scrambling off her soon-to-be husband's lap and landing a pointed elbow in his eye socket as she did.

Groaning, Dave grabbed his eye. "Damn, woman! Are you trying to maim me before we even make it to the altar?"

Hearing the knock on the steamed driver's side window again, JJ frantically pulled down her skirt. "Dave, zip up! Now!"

"God in heaven, woman, I'm seeing double here! Give me a sec!" Dave bit out, reaching to zip his fly as another knock sounded on the window. "Christ!"

"I don't think calling on the Lord is quite the thing to do right now, my son. I'm fairly certain what you two are doing in there is still considered a sin without the sanctity of marriage," both occupants of the car heard a familiar voice say.

"Oh, dear God, we really ARE going to hell! We've been caught by your priest," JJ squeaked, smacking Dave on the shoulder as he rolled down the window.

"Father," Dave nodded as he rolled down the window. "Is there something we can do for you?"

Fighting a grin, Father Danatello nodded solemnly. "Actually, my son, there is. Would you mind not fornicating on church property. It sends a negative message to my other parishoners. The Ten Commandments can be SUCH a buzz kill, I know. But, rules are rules, you know. Tomorrow you'll have the blessing of the Church. Until then, could you please go sin in a more appropriate atmosphere?"

Choking back a laugh as he cast a sidelong glance at JJ's bright red face, Dave nodded. "Of course, Father."

"And if I might make a suggestion, Davie, you might want to put some ice on that eye. You're going to have a shiner tomorrow. Perhaps, you'll remember that you aren't quite as limber as you used to be twenty years ago when I was chasing you out of the church's broom closets, my son."

"You had sex in the Church?" JJ gasped, before she realized what she'd said.

Looking across the seat at her, the Father shook his head. "My child, your David has committed more sins on this property than either of us will ever care to know. The church parking lot is tame by comparison." Meeting Dave's eye, he finally smiled, "I'll see you both tomorrow, Davie."

Watching as the old priest walked away whistling, Dave turned to face his future wife.

Narrowing her eyes at him, JJ bit out, "If you were a Baptist, I swear Daddy would be drowning you in the baptismal pool."

Shrugging, Dave smiled as he started the SUV. "If it makes you feel any better, it didn't work when Mama and Father D tried to drown me in the fountain of holy water either."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Arriving at the hotel the next morning, Dave glanced down at his watch. Forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes since Penelope Garcia's frantically whispered phone call, her worried voice begging him to get his ass to the Marriott Hotel where his future wife was currently having a nervous breakdown. Her harshly issued final threat still rang in his ears. "You either get your Italian ass over here or I start ordering more liquor!"

Slamming his car door, he looked around. Why did God hate him so much? All he wanted to do in the world was make the woman his lawful wedded wife! God should be on board with that one! Cursing the torrential rains now soaking the city, Rossi stopped as he heard his name called.

Turning his head to see Jethro Gibbs and Tony Dinozzo headed in his direction, he held up a hand. "No time, fellas! JJ is currently upstairs debating throwing herself from the ledge. Damn thunderstorm!"

"Rossi, man, you need to wait a minute!" Gibbs called, breaking into a jog toward him.

"Why do I get the feeling this isn't good news," Rossi groaned. "How did you even know I was here?"

"Abs called. Evidently the planet may stop spinning on its axis if this rain doesn't end soon. She assured me the end was nigh and so was mine if I didn't find you and get your ass up there to them. When you weren't at home, I figured you were on your way here. But, that's the least of our problems now," Gibbs sighed, glaring at Tony.

"What did you do?" Rossi growled with a look in Tony's direction. "If you tell me that you've slept with a bridesmaid, I'll…"

"No!! Nothing like that!" Tony grinned. Clearing his throat, he looked from Gibbs to Rossi. "Well, you know how you told me to keep those rings of yours safe, right?"

Narrowing his eyes on the younger man, Rossi slowly nodded. "Yeah, I seem to recall requiring you to keep my sainted grandmother's rings in your sight at all times."

Smiling nervously, Tony nodded. "Well, I'm sure they're perfectly safe. Wherever they are. I might have let them out of my sight for one slight moment and…"

Cocking his head, Rossi asked casually, "Do you like your life, son?"

Stepping between the two men, Gibbs said bluntly, "He's lost the rings, Rossi. You can kill him later. I'll even help you hide the body. But, right now, we need to work a plan."

Looking around Gibbs, Rossi yelled, "You've only had them half a day! How in the name of God did you manage to lose them!"

Shrugging and taking a step back, Tony insisted, "I had them in my pocket last night when I left the church last night and when I was getting ready this morning they were gone."

"Priceless family heirlooms don't just disappear, Dinozzo," Rossi snarled. Throwing his hands in the air, David yelled, "Why God? Less than four hours to the wedding and you do this to me! No rings! JJ will kill me…KILL me, damn it!"

"No, we'll throw Dinozzo in front of you," Gibbs assured the other man.

"NO. Him I want to kill myself!" Rossi snapped.

"We need to talk to everybody at the rehearsal last night," Gibbs said quietly. "Maybe somebody picked it up after Dinozzo dropped them last night."

"I didn't drop anything, Boss!" Tony interjected.

"Shit! Jennifer's gonna find out!" Rossi groaned.

"Worse than that, her mother is gonna find out…and, probably interrupt the reunion celebration they've been having," Gibbs muttered.

"That's your job, Dinozzo. They're your parents!" Rossi ordered. "And for the love of God and your mother's own safety, keep her away from JJ this morning!"

"Well, hell, let's start with the girls," Dave sighed, turning to Gibbs. "Come on. You may have to help me talk JJ in from the ledge. Between your woman, Garcia and Emily, I'm betting her mind may soon be scotch soaked."

Punching the elevator button, Gibbs nodded. "I'm afraid you're probably too late to prevent that, my friend. If I know my Abby, and I do, she started mixing drinks as soon as the door closed last night and probably hasn't stopped yet."

Quickly stifling his laughter at Rossi's glare, Tony followed the men inside the elevator.

Leaning against the wall, Rossi groaned. "Just what we need! Four inebriated women, two lost rings, a monsoon, a psychotic mother-in-law, and a homicidal father-in-law."

"Your fiancee may have been right, Rossi. Maybe you two are cursed," Gibbs grinned, as the elevator doors closed.

Suddenly, the lights in the elevator car flickered out and the lift came to a jarring halt.

"You just had to open your mouth, Gibbs!" Rossi yelled.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

A sputtering JJ was making her eleventh trip across the hotel suite in fifteen minutes, wine bottle held with nerveless fingers and white wedding gown swishing around her legs. Glaring out the window again at the heavens, JJ muttered for the fortieth time, "I can NOT BELIEVE this! No rain for freaking weeks, Penelope! Not a drop! And in the last two days, eight inches! Eight!"

"I know, Angelfish," Penelope consoled. "I know," she said, reaching for the wine bottle again as JJ looked back out the window.

"Don't touch it!" JJ ordered, not even glancing her way.

Drawing her hands back quickly, Penelope looked at Emily and Abby, mouthing "Help!"

"Let's just shut these drapes, JJ," Emily suggested, reaching for the satin cord to pull the curtains closed.

"No! I want to see what I'm up against," JJ growled as Garcia's phone rang and lightening rent the air again. "It's lightening on my wedding day! God is literally sending down fire from the heavens on MY SPECIAL DAY!" JJ yelled, taking a gulp from the wine bottle. "And we have no electricity," JJ said hysterically! "How am I supposed to put on my makeup with no light! God wants me to be an ugly hag on my wedding day!"

"JJ, sweetie, you couldn't be an ugly hag if you tried," Abby said gently.

"Thanks, Abs," JJ whimpered.

Flipping her cell phone open, Garcia hissed, "This had better be you, Agent Rossi!"

"It is," Dave sighed, looking around the dark elevator at the other occupants.

"Where the HELL are you?" Garcia furiously whispered. "Things are rapidly degenerating up here! If you'd like a bride and not a puddle of blubbering goo, I suggest you get your ass up here! NOW!!"

"I'm working on it, Garcia. I promise! But I've got a little problem," Dave replied.

"You think YOU'VE got problems? Your bride is melting in front of my eyes, Rossi," Penelope squeaked.

"Rossi?" JJ said, jerking her head around. "Is that Dave?" she asked frantically, snatching the phone out of Garcia's hands.

"Dave?"

"It's me, sweetheart," Dave said calmly.

"It's raining, Dave! Pouring!! And we have no electricity. We are powerless!! God is working overtime to drive that point home, too!" JJ shrieked.

"Now, honey, just calm down!" Dave began soothingly.

"Calm down? Calm down!" JJ shouted. "The powers that be are trying to strike us down with lightening strikes and you're telling me to calm down?"

"JJ, babe, if I could control the weather, I would. I promise you that. But, I can't. Honey, I need to talk to Garcia again for a minute, okay?"

"Fine! Great lot of help you are!" JJ yelled, thrusting the phone back at Garcia and stomping back to the window.

"Nice work, SuperAgent," Garcia hissed into the phone, warily watching JJ. "She's got the wine bottle, Rossi and she's clutching it like a lifeline! Where ARE you?"

"Trapped in the elevator of this nice hotel with Gibbs and Dinozzo," Rossi explained. "I need you to call maintenance and get us out of here!"

"You have GOT to be kidding me! The groom is trapped in an elevator," she whispered to Emily.

Garcia smiled as JJ turned to look at her. "So you say you're on your way?" she said loudly.

"Shit," Rossi muttered, knowing that Garcia was under surveillance. "I will be as soon as you can get things moving."

"Gonna be a little difficult considering we're in the same boat!" Garcia murmured under her breath.

"Hell! Do what you can, Garcia," Dave said shortly.

"I'll get right on that, sir," Garcia said brightly, as JJ paced past her.

"And, Garcia?" Rossi muttered.

"Yes," Penelope smiled as JJ went by again.

"We might have a small problem with the rings, too," Rossi explained.

"What?" Garcia yelped.

"Small problem?" Gibbs said incredulously, grunting when Rossi's hand flew out to connect with his stomach.

"Don't breathe a word of this to Jen, Garcia," Rossi continued, "But, it appears her idiot brother has lost the rings. Just keep her as calm as possible until I get there."

Watching JJ upturn the bottle to her lips again, Garcia groaned. "Oh, she'll be calm, Rossi. She may even be catatonic. I'll get on that little issue you have. Bye," she said disconnecting and slumping against the wall. Looking at Emily and Abby, Garcia whispered, "We are all SOOOOO screwed."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

As Penelope Garcia, miracle worker extraordinaire hung up the phone, she glanced across the room, watching as JJ took another swig from her bottle. Quickly walking across the room, Penelope snagged the bottle from her hands.

"Not fair, Penny," Abby laughed, "A woman deserves a drink on her wedding day."

"A drink, yes. A bottle, no," Garcia corrected. Hiding the bottle behind her back as JJ made a grab for it, Pen suggested, "Why don't you take a few minutes and lie down in the bedroom, Gumdrop? It's gonna be a long afternoon and if I know Agent Rossi at all, an even longer night."

Looking at her friend suspiciously with narrowed eyes, JJ asked, "Since when do you suggest anybody take a nap? You're usually the first one to want to stay up all night."

"Well, we did that already. And, as fun as it was, one of us here has to be beautiful today. I'm pretty sure nobody wants to see dark circles under the blushing bride's eyes. Come on, can you stand there and tell me that you're not the teensiest bit tired?"

"You'll appreciate the rest later, Jayje. It very well may be your last quiet moment until your honeymoon. Don't forget, your parents WILL be at the wedding."

"I thought JJ was waiting on her love bunny," Abby asked.

"Yeah, where IS David, anyway?" JJ asked, wrinkling her brow. "His butt should be here by now."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be along soon. He's probably a lot closer than you think," Penelope said, struggling not to outright lie.

Seeing the uncomfortable look cross Garcia's face, JJ slowly walked across the room to pause in front of her best friend. "What do you know, Garcie?"

"Angelfish-," Garcia began.

"Oh God!" JJ yelled slapping a hand to her mouth. "Daddy's done something, hasn't he? What's he done, Pen? Is he holding him hostage? Threatening to kill him? Damn it! I just knew this was gonna happen! I never should have agreed to have a full blown wedding. We should have just eloped. The priest probably found daddy and told him about catching us last night!"

"What happened last night, JJ?" Abby asked.

"Oh, I think we could probably use our imagination," Emily replied with a wicked grin.

"Don't laugh! As far as Daddy is concerned, I immaculately conceived Henry because there's no way his little girl had S-E-X!!" JJ panicked.

"Jayje, I'm pretty sure your man could hold his own. Even against your father," Abby consoled.

"Don't bet the farm on that!" JJ said, heading toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Penelope asked, making a grab for JJ's arm.

"I've gotta find Daddy and stop him from doing my future husband irreparable harm! I don't want Henry to be an only child!" JJ yelled over her shoulder. "I knew Daddy would lose it before the wedding! I just knew it!"

Throwing up her hands, Garcia shouted, "Listen to me, Gumdrop! Your sainted father is not holding your errant fiance hostage! He's trapped in the elevator!"

Halting in her tracks, JJ spun on her heel and asked Garcia with wide eyes, "He's what?"

"He's stuck, love bug. But, I'm absolutely positive that this is just a minor setback," Garcia said confidently.

"Stuck in an elevator," JJ said, staring into space. "My fiance is stuck in an elevator on our wedding day!" JJ yelled. "Where?!"

Gulping, Penelope whispered, "Well…here."

"Here?"

"Uh-huh," Penelope nodded.

"Here, as in, here in the hotel here?" JJ asked quickly, hysteria rising.

"Jayje, it's a minor inconvenience," Emily said calmly, stepping in front of the door that JJ was headed for.

"Move," JJ commanded.

"Where are you going?" Abby asked.

"To find the man I'm supposed to marry and break him out of the elevator!" JJ replied forcefully.

"In you wedding gown?" Emily asked, nodding to the dress.

"If it makes you feel any better, Gibbs and your brother are with him," Garcia yelled as JJ frantically shimmied out of her gown.

"Oh, well…no worries then," Abby shrugged. "My marine will find a way to get the groom to the altar, JJ. Don't worry."

"As long as he does it before my daddy gets wind of the situation. Broken elevators be damned, if Dave isn't standing at the front of that church by the time Daddy gets there, there's gonna be hell to pay!" JJ yelled.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Sighing as he closed his phone, Dave turned to Gibbs, the pale light in the elevator enough to see the man casually leaning against the wall, feet crossed, hands clasped in front of him. "Power's out in the entire building."

"But that techno goddess of yours is gonna get it back on, right?" Tony asked eagerly.

Only Gibbs arm moved as he smacked Tony in the back of the head.

"Good aim, Boss," Tony winced, rubbing his skull. "Extra points for finding my head in the dark, too."

"Not that hard. I had a big enough target," Gibbs muttered.

"Garcia's good but, I think her capabilities in electrical work may be lacking," Rossi snorted, shaking his head at them.

"She'll find a way," Tony said confidently.

"What I'd like to find is a way to make my future wife happy, but I'm seriously beginning to believe it's a lost cause. The girls have found the liquor…"

"Doubt they ever lost it," Gibbs sighed.

"God only knows how long it'll take to get the power back on…," Dave grumbled

"And, don't forget we still have no clue where your future in-laws are," Tony added helpfully, shifting as Gibbs hand raised again.

"Fool me once, Boss," Tony murmured, shifting away from the older man.

Sighing, Dave stared down at the lit display on his phone. "One hour," he groaned. "In exactly one hour, I'm supposed to be marrying the woman that I had to live fifty plus years to find…"

"How many years are in that plus, Rossi," Tony asked mischievously only to receive another sharp slap from Gibbs.

"…and where am I? I'm stuck in an elevator!" Turning toward Dinozzo, Rossi snarled, "With her idiot brother whose managed to lose the freaking rings!"

"Kinda hoped you'd forgotten that part, Rossi," Tony muttered.

"If he had, I'd have reminded him," Gibbs added.

"I can always count on you, Boss," Tony said under his breath.

"JJ is right. God hates us. We've managed to catch the Almighty's attention and not in a good way!" Dave said, looking heavenward. Stopping mid-rant, Dave stared above his head.

Looking up, Gibbs asked, "What?"

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Rossi asked.

"Oh, yeah," Gibbs grinned.

"What?" Tony asked, staring at the ceiling.

"A trap door, moron!" Rossi yelled.

"If we go through that and the power restarts, we'd run the risk of being crushed," Tony said, shaking his head.

"What we, hotshot?" Rossi asked. "The only one going through there is you. Consider it penance for losing my rings!"

Looking between the two men, Tony yelped, "Boss, tell him it's crazy!"

"Sounds like a plan to me," Gibbs shrugged.

"Shaking his head, Tony backed into the corner. "Give Garcia some time to work her magic. We've got plenty of time!"

"Do you realize that at this very moment, your sister, whom you profess to love, is having a nervous breakdown?"

"Listen, I'm not saying that I don't care, man! But, we need to give this a little time," Tony said, holding out a hand. "We've only been in here a few minutes."

"Time is something we don't have, you yellow bellied coward! We've still gotta find the rings!" Rossi yelled.

"We need to get proactive in here…those minutes are fading fast. Get up there, Dinozzo," Gibbs ordered.

"Boss!" Tony yelled.

"It's your fault I'm in here stuck with you all, anyway! If I hadn't stopped to find out that you have lost my grandmother's rings, I would have been on my way to her floor. So, logically Tony, this is all your fault. That is the story I will tell your sister, your mother and your father. Think you can take the three of them?"

"Shit! Just a nice little wedding…no friggin problems…hold on to the ring," Tony mimicked as he climbed toward the trap door.

"You got it yet?" Gibbs called.

"Come on, Tony! I want the hell out of this box!" Rossi yelled.

"Keep your pants on," Tony ordered, sparing a glance down.

"Don't look down," Gibbs ordered.

"Now you tell me, Boss!" Tony groaned, reaching up with one hand to nudge the trap door. "It's loose!" he yelled down.

"Then push it open!" Rossi called.

Flipping the door open, Tony peered around, hearing the men inside say, "Don't look down."

"Well, do you see anything?" Gibbs yelled.

"I don't know, give me a minute," Tony yelled back.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Throwing open the hotel room door, JJ came face to fist with her father as he raised his hand to knock on her door.

Pushing her father to the side, Emma widened her kohl rimmed eyes and asked, "Jennifer, honey, why aren't you ready? Have you changed your mind, darling? If so, I know this lovely banker with a nice firm body…"

"No, Mother, I've not changed my mind," JJ yelled.

"Then you should be in your dress by now," her mother replied, nodding at her clothing.

"In case it escaped your notice, we don't have any power, Mom! It's raining cats and dogs out there. Fire is coming down from heaven itself and it's trying to take out my soon-to-be husband! How exactly would you like me to get ready under these circumstances?" JJ yelled, stomping an irate foot.

"Jennifer Rose, calm down!" her father commanded in a deep voice. "Yelling at your mother isn't going to solve anything."

"Never stopped you before," JJ muttered.

Frowning, Thomas looked at the window behind her. "And it's just a little rain out there. I hardly think the Good Lord is attempting to send another flood. The power will be back on soon, I'm sure and you can carry on with this travesty of a wedding."

"Not soon enough," Penelope murmured, hanging up the phone and moving toward JJ. "Maintenance says the elevator controls have gone completely offline."

"And, David's stuck, Daddy!"

"Stuck where?" Thomas asked.

"In the elevator. Here in the hotel," JJ groaned, pulling her father back toward the door. "Come on, daddy! You have to help me get him out of there and get him to the church on time. I have to get married today!"

"Well, we could delay the wedding. Remember my third wedding, sweetie? We were supposed to start at noon and it was eight o'clock at night before everybody finally made it to the same place," Emma said cheerfully. "The ice sculpture had melted. Then, again," Emma said, tilting her head as she recalled, "so did the marriage a few days later. Peter really was a weak little man."

"So not helping me, Mother. Not helping me at all. I am getting married on time and in a church today and that is THAT!" JJ said loudly. "Now, everybody get there rears in gear and help me retrieve my groom from the elevator shaft! PLEASE!!"

Following his daughter down the hallway, Thomas decided that now was a good opportunity to try and make his little girl see reason. "You know, Jennifer, perhaps, this is God's way of giving you a chance to reconsider your decisions."

"You do know the old saying, honey. "Marry in haste and repent at leisure"," Emma quoted.

"She oughta know," Emily mumbled, wincing as Penelope smacked her in the arm.

JJ, however, was clueless as she continued dragging her obstinate father down the hallway. "I'm quite certain about my decision, daddy. This is what I want. David is what Henry and I need! Now, get him out!" JJ said, pointing down the hallway to the elevator.

"Get my future husband out of that little box before it falls!" Jabbing a finger down the hallway, JJ shook her head vigorously as she ranted as she began to sway, "I don't want a squished bridegroom, daddy!"

"Jennifer Jareau," her father said sternly, grabbing her arm, "have you been drinking? At this time of morning?"

"Just enough to steady my nerves, Daddy. Just one small drink," JJ replied in a small voice.

"Or twenty," Abby smirked. "Does anybody remember if she finished that last bottle."

"The better question is did she ever stop drinking?" Em commented dryly.

"Not helping here, ladies," Pen hissed over her shoulder. "Unless on of you has an overwhelming desire to see Mr. Jareau kill his only daughter on her wedding day, zip it! I've put too much effort into this to see it slip down a freaking elevator shaft!"

"Focus, daddy!" JJ begged. "My groom is trapped. We've gotta get him out before he runs out of air in there!"

"Oh, dear, I'm sure there's plenty of oxygen available for one little ole man. God knows, he's got enough hot air inside him to keep him floating for months!"

"Mama!" JJ groaned. "It isn't just Dave down there! Tony and Gibbs are with him!"

"Well, of course he'd take my son on his trip to hell with him. Why wouldn't he? Is your fiancee intent on dragging our entire family down, Jennifer?"

Swaying as she stomped one tiny foot, JJ yelled, "It isn't Dave's fault, daddy! He doesn't control the power grid to the city!"

Grabbing JJ's arm, Penelope said cheerfully, "Okay, my favorite little dysfunctional family, we need to move this along. The problem originates about ten steps down this hallway. Everybody see those two little metal doors ahead?" Pen said, pointing ahead. "Good! All together now, let's keep moving toward them" Pen said, dragging JJ with her. "And everybody start praying for a miracle."

***

"Are you sure that boy was trained as an investigator, Jethro?" Gibbs asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"Believe it or not, he has his useful moments," Gibbs replied, staring too at the hole in the elevator's ceiling. Wincing, Gibbs continued, "I don't think this is one of 'em, though."

Glancing back down at the lit face of his watch, Dave noted the time. "You got that damn right," Rossi growled. "I might as well start thinking about what kind of casket I should be buried in. Jen's gonna kill me for for not having her at that church on time."

"Not as though this is the first time you've made that trip down the fateful aisle, Dave."

"This is the first time I've been determined that it stick though and the last time I plan on standing on the other end of the church," Dave retorted, looking up at the ceiling again. "Dinozzo, I hope you're doing more than staring into the black abyss up there!" Dave yelled.

"Give me a minute up here! I just found the side ladder!" Tony yelled back.

Rolling his eyes, Rossi sighed. "It's about time!"

"I think we're close to a floor!" Tony hollered down to the two men. "I can feel the doors!"

"Well, open them, you idiot!" Dave snarled back.

"I'm NOT Superman, Rossi," Tony whined. "Why don't you get up here and try it?"

"Use those muscles your always claiming you have to Ziva, Diznozzo. Put your lies to good use," Gibbs ordered.

"Why are you always picking on me, Boss?" Tony grumbled, struggling to find a finger hold on the metal doors.

"Because you're the only one here right now, Dinozzo! Now, quit whining and get us out of here before I decide to let Rossi shoot you," Gibbs growled.

Reaching for a cable to steady himself, Tony paused. "Hey! I hear voices!"

***

As Penelope dragged the Jareau family down the hallway, Emma griped, "Really, Tommy! Loosen up, honey! I must have done something incredibly wrong last night if you're still this uptight!"

"Are my ears bleeding?" Emily asked, shuddering. "Because I feel like my ears are bleeding!"

"I don't see anything," Abby returned. "But, if I have to hear about their sex life, I'm going to stick a fork through my eardrum!"

Throwing up a hand as the entire group came to a halt in front of the elevator's steel doors, Pen yelled, "Everybody quiet!"

"What's wrong?" JJ asked, turning to look at Garcia's face pressed against the metal.

"Shhh! Don't you guys hear it? Listen! I think I hear voices."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Pinching Penelope's arm, JJ hissed, "What? What do you hear?"

Pinching her back, Pen said sharply, "Shut up and listen! Do you hear that?" Pen asked as faint voices reached all their ears.

Dropping to her knees, her wedding gown flowing around her, JJ yelled, "David! David Rossi! Do you hear me?"

Pulling her back gently, Penelope cautioned, "Easy there, My Little Irate Bride-To-Be! We don't want to get that beautiful wedding dress all dirty."

Ignoring the other woman, JJ banged against the metal door again. "Open up in there!"

"Ow!" a muffled voice yelled back.

"I'd recognize that "Ow" anywhere! I hear it seventeen times a day!" Abby yelled, bouncing excitedly.

"Who was it?" Emily asked.

"That's Tony!" Abs yelled, pointing at the door.

"Tony," JJ gasped. "That means David's close!" Slapping the metal doors again, JJ raged, "Tony, you open this thing RIGHT NOW!"

"Ow, ow, ow," came more muffled expletives.

"Sounds like Gibbs is beating him upside the head again," Abs murmured.

"Gibbs is nothing compared to what I'M gonna do if he doesn't open this door!" JJ screeched.

Grabbing her phone, Pen hauled JJ away from the door, saying calmly as she flipped open her phone with the other hand, "Let's just give them a shout then, shall we?"

Snatching the phone from Pen's hand, JJ shouted, "David! Answer me, damn you!"

"I doubt he's had time to answer yet, JJ," Emily commented.

Hearing Dave's voice on the other end of the line finally answer, JJ screeched, "Damn you, David Rossi, are you trying to ruin my wedding day? I swear, if you're not out of there soon, I'm never going to speak to you again, let alone say I do!"

***

Hearing Tony yell, "Ow!" Rossi looked at the hole in the ceiling. "What's going on up there?" Rossi yelled.

"I'm fairly certain that my deranged sister just tried to kill me through a metal door!"

"Wouldn't surprise me," Gibbs murmured. "She probably heard about the rings."

"Tony, do you have those doors open yet?" Rossi hollered.

"They won't budge, Rossi. I think we're gonna need some more help! Shit! Ow! Ow! Ow! She's losing it out there," Tony yelled as Dave cell phone rang again.

Glancing at the display, Rossi quickly prayed, "It's Garcia! Please God, let her have found us a way out of this tin box!" Quickly pressing the green button, Rossi pressed the phone to his ear only to be met with his irate woman's furious voice tossing all manner of threats at him. "Honey, you know I can't understand a word you say when your voice get this high. Only bats can hear you now, baby!" Hearing JJ catch her breath, Dave closed his eyes.

"Where are you!?" he heard her yell.

"Evidently, I'm close, sweetheart. I'm working like hell to get to you, I swear!"

"We're gonna be late, David! Late to our own wedding!" JJ screamed. "Do you know what type of bad karma that situation creates? We're cursed, David! Cursed!"

Cringing at the tears he heard in her voice, Dave pressed a hand to his forehead. "Jen, babe, listen. We're not cursed. This is a freak event and we'll be through it as soon as possible," Dave calmly soothed as the elevator bounced and Tony body came hurtling back through the elevator. "Shit! Are you alright, Tony!" Dave yelled.

"What just happened?" JJ screamed into the phone. "We just heard something! David! Talk to me, David Rossi," JJ ordered on a screech.

"We're fine, sweetheart. Just fine," Rossi said, helping Gibbs help Tony find his footing.

Glaring at the younger man, he covered the phone with his hand and hissed, "I swear to God, I'm gonna let your sister kill you! Then, I'm gonna find the biggest bulldozer ever created and roll over your body repeatedly!"

"I'll help you hide the body," Gibbs growled, propping Tony against the wall.

"ROSSI!" Dave heard JJ screech through the phone.

Pressing the phone to his ear again, Dave soothed, "Everybody's fine in here, honey. Calm down. I need you to hand the phone to Garcia, sweetie. No, not your father!"

Sighing as he heard a deep familiar voice say his name, Dave said resignedly, "Hello, Thomas…"

"Oh, hell," Tony groaned. "She's got dad up there. Well, it was an honor to know you, Rossi. I'll be sure to help JJ pick out a nice big tombstone for you…"

"Thomas," Dave said, glaring at Tony, "I'm going to let you talk to your son. I think he has some pertinent information to share with you about our current situation and HOW exactly we came to be in it!"

As Dave shoved the phone into Tony's hands, all three men felt the elevator shudder again as the lights flickered and then returned completely. Squinting against the sudden brightness, Dave yelled, "Grab the walls!" as the elevator dropped a few feet. Holding his breath, Dave heard the motor groan as the elevator began to rise again, stalling again suddenly. "DAMN IT! Can't we just catch one break here!" Dave moaned.

*************"Son! Tony!" Thomas Jareau yelled into the phone. Holding the phone in front of him, he growled, "I think it died!"

Grabbing it out of his hand, Penelope shook her head. "Not possible! My phone does not JUST die, sir! It is not some crappy piece of technology from the local Radio Shack. It is an exquisite technological masterpiece only a few people in the world have been privileged to beta!"

"You dissed one of Penny's babies," Abs accused, shooting Mr. Jareau a dirty look.

"She doesn't handle that kind of insult well, sir," Em added.

"DAVID! DAVID!" JJ yelled, banging at the doors again. "You get your ass out of there and help me up here! Do you hear me, damn it!?"

Pulling her daughter away from the door, Emma cooed, "Sweetie, the entire floor can hear you!"

"Aliens on Jupiter heard her," Abs smiled."Step away, Angelfish," Garcia said, pulling at JJ's arm as they all heard the motor of the elevator whir.

"Oh, God! It's gonna blow up!" JJ moaned.

"Jennifer, that's the motor you hear," Thomas sighed.

"Oh, Thank you, God! We have power," Garcia yelled, looking at the shining overhead lights.

Tapping her foot impatiently, JJ stared at the closed elevator doors. "Why aren't they opening? They should be opening! Why aren't they OPENING!? We have lights! We have power! We still have NO GROOM!" JJ screeched accusingly, looking at Garcia.

"Just like a man to hide," Emma snarked. "They've probably hit the stop button on purpose. Afraid to deal with the fallout. Honey, you might as well get used to this now. Men are not exactly the most dependable creatures on earth."

"Thank you so much, Emma, for your faith in me," Thomas growled.

"Present company excluded, darlin'" Emma cooed.

"Whatever! Will you two stop making kissy faces at each other and somebody figure out how to get me David!" JJ yelled, jumping up and down.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Taking a deep breath, Rossi growled, "All right. Let's get logical here. Tony, call Penelope back and tell her that the elevator rose some. We can see parts of the door now. How far were we from it before?"

Shrugging, Tony replied, "I'd say about ten feet."

"We didn't rise enough to reach the point where the doors would automatically open. And we probably lost some height on the first drop," Gibbs noted with a shake of his silver head.

"But maybe we got just close enough," Rossi mused, looking up.

Looking between the two older men, Tony asked, puzzled, "Close enough for what?"

"Close enough to throw you down the shaft, nimrod," Gibbs replied coldly.

"And, trust me, if my rings don't show up soon, I'll definitely find a way to land this elevator on your head…with your sister's blessing!"

"Wouldn't hurt him," Gibb said with a shrug. "His skull's been cracked too many times before."

"Where does it say that the abuse should be heaped on the brother of the bride?" Tony sighed.

Glaring at the younger man, Rossi snarled, "Emily Post, I ain't, kid! In case you missed it, nothing about this day has gone according to her rules of etiquette."

"Okay, Dinozzo! Get back up there," Gibbs ordered.

"Come on, Boss! Have a heart! I just had a manicure," Tony whined. Seeing the glint in David Rossi's eyes, Tony leapt for the opening in the ceiling again. "Opening the doors now, Rossi! But, if I break a nail…"

"SHUT UP!" Gibbs and Rossi yelled in unison.

Reaching for his ringing phone again, Rossi answered absently as he stared after Tony. "Yes, Garcia. We're all still here. Everyone's alive, including Tony…at least until I decide to kill him. Look, we're trying to get the doors open. We think we're almost to the floor. Do me a favor. Get maintenance up here if you can. I think we're gonna need a ladder." Listening to Garcia on the other end, Rossi frowned. "Do not give my bride another drop, Penelope. I don't care if you have to handcuff her to the fire extinguisher, keep her away from any more liquor," he ordered firmly.

Watching as Rossi disconnected, Gibbs grinned as he heard Rossi begin to pray again.

"God, if you'll get us out of here, I promise, I'll do my best to stop having homicidal thoughts about my bride's family. I swear I will."

"You realize, the Almighty's gonna hold you to that," Gibbs laughed."That's why I only promised to try," Rossi muttered.

***

Ending the call with maintenance, Penelope said brightly, "Okay, I think we're making progress now, folks!" Lifting JJ back to her feet from in front of the elevator, Pen chastised, "Banging your head against the metal will NOT help, Gumdrop. You're gonna bounce your brain out if you don't quit and I think you've already burned enough brain cells today!"

"He's feet away, Penny!" JJ moaned. "FEET! And I can't get to him!"

"Just give it a few more minutes, my desperate little dear! A few more minutes and this will be just a bad dream, sweetums."

"A nightmare," Abs corrected.

"A never-ending, God-forsaken, make you never want to sleep again nightmare," Emily added, leaning against the wall.

"Still not helping, ladies," Pen said with a glare over her shoulder.

"Oh, this is nothing," Emma said, waving a negligent hand. "Don't you remember my fourth wedding, sweetie? Your step-father tried to pull a similar stunt. I should have known that marriage wouldn't last," Emma murmured, staring into space.

"Not the same thing, Mother! At all! Your groom was eighty years old and had a stroke on the way to the wedding!"

"And I should've considered the age difference," Emma huffed. "Do we see the correlation here, dear? Your David isn't getting any younger."

"As much as I hate to agree with your mother, perhaps, in this case, she has a point. Maybe this is the Good Lord's way of giving you a moment to reconsider your options," Thomas added.

"I can't believe you two!" JJ shrieked as everyone's attention was drawn to the sound of scraping metal as the steel grey doors in front of them began to inch apart. Eyes widening, JJ turned and pressed her little fingers into the crack, pulling for all her worth. Glancing behind her, JJ yelled, "Don't just stand there! Help me!"

"Sis, I'm the one that needs the help in here! My boss and future brother-in-law are currently plotting my untimely demise," Tony said, sweating as he pried the doors the top of Tony's head below the now open doors, JJ dropped to her knees. "Tony! Thank God! What are you doing down there?"

"Well, we're having a party," Tony quipped. "What do you think we're doing?" he asked as David pulled him back.

Rossi's face replacing Tony's, Dave looked up at the woman he loved. "Jen? Honey, are you okay?"

Nodding, JJ reached out fingers to brush his face. "Dave, we've got to get you out of there or we're never going to make it to the church in time!" Grabbing his hand, JJ tugged, "Come on, Dave! You've got to get out now!"

"It's not quite that simple, babe. There's not a whole lot of space to work with here and we're not exactly small men," Dave explained.

Standing abruptly, JJ kicked off her shoes, narrowly missing her father's head, saying determinedly, "If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed is going to the mountain!"

"Sis-," Tony said warningly. "What exactly are you talking about?"

Eyes widening as he looked above him, Gibbs yelled, "Oh, shit! Incoming!" taking a step back as their elevator took on an additional passenger and a wedding dress clad Jennifer Jareau thudded to the floor…her fall broken by a gaping David Rossi.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Damn it, woman! What the hell do you think you're doing!? You coulda gotten yourself killed!" Dave yelled, his voice echoing against the walls as he helped her to her feet.

Slapping a hand against his chest, JJ shouted, "Don't you dare yell at me, David Rossi! I'm not the one that's trying to avoid getting married here! Wasting time in an elevator while two hundred people are sitting in a church waiting on us!"

"Yeah, honey, it's been a real pleasure cruise down here. I didn't cause the storm that created a black out that stalled the elevator!"

"You…you…" JJ gaped.

Seeing her open mouth, Dave brought his mouth down on hers quickly, cutting off the coming explosion at the knees.

"Well, at least he found a way to cut off the shrieks," Tony snickered.

"It is an effective technique," Gibbs agreed with a grin.

Finally pulling away from JJ's clinging lips, Dave murmured, "Honey, you've really got to calm down for me. We'll never make it to this wedding if you don't."

Dropping her head against his chest, JJ slowly thumped it against him. "All I wanted was a nice little wedding…a few friends…"

Murmuring against her ear as he rocked her in his arms, Rossi said, "Don't forget your parents, babe."

"How could I? There right up there," she said, lifting her eyes toward the ceiling, "convinced that you've done this on purpose.

Tightening his arms around her, Dave stared back at her. "You know better. The only thing I plan on doing on purpose today is marrying you as soon as humanly possible and getting you, me and our son out of this town as quickly as possible. We're going to run, not walk, out of that church. Screw the reception. And we're not telling a living soul where we're going."

"Yoo hoo, down there," they all heard Penelope call, "Maintenance is here and they've got a way of getting the elevator pulled up just a few more feet!"

"About time," Gibbs muttered.

Keeping his arms firmly around JJ, Dave yelled, "Make it happen now, Garcia. I don't ever want to see the inside of an elevator again!"

Five minutes later, the entire group was assembled in the hallway. Brushing the lint from his tuxedo jacket, Tony moaned, "I'm never gonna see my deposit back on this! Never again, people! You guys can just pick some other poor bastard next time to go climbing around in the dark!"

Grinning, Abby wrapped an arm around Gibbs. "Come on, Tony. Just think of the stories you can tell McGee and Ziva about how you risked life and limb to rescue your baby sister's big day!"

Brightening, Tony tilted his head and smiled. "Well, yeah…there is that!"

Keeping one arm around JJ as she sipped another trial size bottle, Rossi growled, "He can add it to the saga about how he lost my grandmother's heirloom rings. Unless, of course, you've managed to recollect where you put them while you were screaming like a girl in the elevator shaft."

"What the devil are you prattling on about, Rossi? What lost rings?" Thomas asked.

"Tony lost my rings, Daddy," JJ whined, resting her head against David's neck. "All he had to do was keep them safe for my perfect day and he lost 'em," JJ slurred.

Opening his mouth to reply, Thomas was cut off by his ex-wife. "What rings are ya'll talkin' about?"

"What rings do you think, Emma?" Rossi snapped, trying to keep his inebriated bride upright. "The damn wedding rings! I gave your son a simple task that he managed to bungle in less than twenty-four hours!"

Pursing her lips, Emma rifled through her bag, pulling out a black velvet box. "Are you talking about these things?" she asked, tossing Rossi the box.

"My rings!" JJ yelled, lurching toward the box. "Where did you find them!?"

Popping the box open with one hand, Dave sighed in relief. "Thank God!"

"How in the hell did you get those, Mother?" Tony asked, eyes wide.

"They were on the counter in the men's room last night. I meant to give them to the Priest, but I got a little distracted," she replied with a sly smile at Thomas. "I didn't think they were very valuable…seemed a little chintzy to me…so I figured I'd just give them to the Monsignor today at the church."

Narrowing his eyes, Rossi stared heatedly at JJ's mother. "Chintzy? You call my great-grandmother's heirloom rings chintzy? I'll have you know that they are extremely valuable and considered to be a rare example of Castellani from the early 19th century, Emma!"

Shrugging, Emma sniffed. "So, they're used. You're giving my only daughter a used ring. You'd think for my little girl's first marriage you'd spring for something new, Moneybags."

"Mother, I want these rings. They're exactly what I want to wear for the rest of my life," JJ declared firmly. "Dave's grandparents were married for sixty-seven years! If we get half that long, it'll be worth it!"

"With his advanced years, they'll be lucky to get that far," Tony muttered.

"And, for the last time, this is her first and LAST wedding, Emma," Rossi growled, glaring at Tony. "And I heard that, Dinozzo!"

Ducking as Gibbs' hand shot toward his head, Tony ducked quickly. "Better luck next time, Boss. Sorry, but this head has been threatened enough for one day!"

"I think it's taken one hit too many all ready," Emily snarked.

"Ha! Ha!" Tony replied. "Hey! Wait a minute! What were you doing in the men's bathroom, Mom?"

"Don't answer that question, Emma," Thomas said sternly.

"Doesn't matter! She found the rings!" Garcia said happily.

"I bet I know what she was doing," Abs grinned.

Wrapping a firm arm around Emma as she opened her mouth to reply, Thomas said, "I think we've spent enough time out in the hallway. We all need to start moving toward the church."

"Yeah, let's return to the scene of the crime," Emily said sotto voice.

Mumbling into Dave's chest, JJ shook her head. "My parents, Dave! They did it in God's house! That's why he's punishing us…and THEY did it, not us!"

"No, honey, we just borrowed HIS parking lot," Dave whispered back.

"Oh, God, I'm becoming my mother," JJ wailed, horrified.

Pulling her closer as they walked toward the stairs, Dave grabbed the bottle from her hand and took a quick swig before saying, "Never say that again, sweetheart. Now, take another drink," he ordered, pushing the bottle back into her nerveless fingers, "I have a feeling, we may both need it!"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Stomping her foot angrily, JJ glared at the entire assembled group. Swaying, she turned to Dave, "What do you mean, there's no power in the church?"

Pushing a hand through his dark hair, Dave sighed. "For the third time, honey, the Priest just said that the power had been flickering in an out all morning and about half an hour ago, they lost it entirely."

Watching her future husband shrug out of his jacket, JJ narrowed angry eyes on him. "Then call him back and tell him to FIND it! We have power here! The church is only two hours away!"

"I told you, lightening struck the steeple, babe. It fried the electrical system. I can't fix that! The priest can't fix that! Our guests can NOT fix that. County law prohibit's the church from allowing people to congregate in an unsafe building."

Taking a step toward her flushed friend, Penelope said gently, "Jayje, honey, the hotel has emergency generators. Actual power hasn't been reestablished yet. It's gonna take more than just flipping a few switches, Sweetness."

"I TOLD you we should've gone to Vegas. It's the friggin' City of Light. Never freaking sleeps! They have power! Great big neon lights and a wedding chapel on every stupid corner," JJ raged, waving her hands wildly around.

"I did Vegas for my third wedding, I think," Emma recalled. "It was very theatrical. I think we were married by Cher."

Grabbing JJ as she staggered, Dave pulled her tightly to his side. "Okay, no moving for a minute. We need to sit down and deliberate our options here."

"Options, Dave? What friggin' options?!" JJ groaned, leaning against him. "We're screwed. Eternally and royally screwed. Somewhere in a former life, one of us must have been a serial killer…or a politician…or a…"

"Actually, honey, we've got pirates in our historical line," Emma mused, idly filing her nails. "Oh the stories my grandpa used to tell…Black Dodger and the Dragons…scourge of the Carribean Sea. Never convicted, but…"

"Mother, please!" JJ whined. Dropping her head against Dave's chest, JJ moaned, "Of course my ancestors are pirates. They probably pillaged and stole and did all sorts of things that I…ME…am now paying for!"

"Karma's a real bitch, isn't it, Sis?" Tony grinned."Oh, just you wait, Tony! The same fate currently kicking my ass will eventually come gunning for you!"

"Okay, children, BOTH of you watch your mouths," Thomas ordered firmly. "We're all civilized adults. Act like it! There's a solution to every problem. We just have to find it."

Snapping his fingers, Tony yelled, "Wait a damn minute!"

Glaring across the room at his son, Thomas hissed, "Language, Boy! There are ladies in this room!"

"Sorry, Dad," Tony said, holding up a hand. "But, you're the solution!"

"Excuse me," Thomas said, confused.

"JJ, you're looking at the solution," Tony yelled, pointing to their father. "Dad's a minister!"

"Yes, I am," Thomas said slowly. "A Baptist minister. Everyone here knows that. I don't see what that has to do with our current situation."

"You can do it, Dad! You can marry them!" Tony declared, excited.

"Now, wait a damn minute," Thomas and Rossi yelled in unison.

"Hey, look! I think your priest might have a few more pressing things on his agenda than marrying you two today. And, if you're determined to get married today-"

"We ARE!" JJ interjected.

"-then I suggest you both give this some serious thought. You've gotten the license. We found the rings-"

"Barely," Gibbs muttered.

"-and we have a member of the clergy right here in this room! Wrong religion, I know, but do you really think God is gonna be THAT picky? We'll call the church and get all the pertinent people over here. What more do you need?" Tony asked in a rush.

"This is SOOOOO not the plan," JJ moaned. "Not one single thing about this day has gone according to my carefully developed plan!"

Dropping into a chair, Dave pulled JJ into his lap, her white dress spreading over both of them. "Honey, I don't think there IS a plan anymore. There's you and there's me trying to get to the end of this day united in wedded bliss. The plan has disintegrated and been replaced by an episode of Twilight Zone. Let's just get Henry and the rest of the team over here and make this happen."

"It's a good alternate plan, Angelfish," Pen enthused. "We can have this entire room ready by the time everybody else gets here. What do you say, guys?"

Framing JJ's face in his hands, Dave whispered, "All I want is you. I'll marry you anywhere at any time. It's details, babe."

"Vegas," JJ moaned. "We so shoulda gone to Vegas and eloped."

"Hey, we'll make a Vegas wedding look like a coronation mass at St. Peters, sweetheart. And, I promise, this time tomorrow, we'll be on an island in the Caribbean with Henry and that private nanny I hired. Not even those pirate ancestors of yours could find us," Dave vowed.

"Don't bet on it," JJ grumbled. "Look what's happened to us so far." Looking around the room at the sea of expectant faces, JJ sighed. "Okay, let's do this. A hotel room works for me as long as we end up legally married. I don't ever want to go through this again."

"Oh the second time is better, dear," Emma said, yelping when Thomas pinched her arm.

"Enough, Emma. If I'm marrying them, it doggone well better last!" Thomas growled.

Leaning forward to kiss his future wife, Dave felt himself pulled back by the ear.

"They'll be time enough for that later! We need to get a move on," Penelope commanded, releasing Dave's ear.

Leaning his forehead against JJ's for a brief moment, Rossi whispered, "God help me if you're father is the next person that tells me I can kiss you!"


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Turning to look across the room at her father, JJ ordered, "Daddy, I want you to make this quick. I don't think anybody is ready for a long drawn out ceremony."

"Or a sermon," Rossi said through gritted teeth.

"Well, if Tommy's gonna do the ceremony, who's gonna give the bride away?" Emma asked. "Somebody has to escort her down the aisle."

"Mama, look around," JJ groaned. "Do you see an aisle anywhere?"

Shaking her head, Pen said, "Emma's right, JJ. It's tradition. You have to walk down the aisle."

"Bet those a words you don't hear very often, huh, Mom," Tony grinned.

"Somebody has to give you away, Gumdrop," Pen declared.

"This," JJ said, waving drunkenly around the room and backhanding Dave in the process, "is not the dark ages, Penny! I'm not chattel to be sold off to the highest bidder!"

"Ouch, honey, watch the hands!" Dave moaned, rubbing his jaw.

"No, my little drunken lollipop, you aren't. But some semblance of tradition must be observed," Penelope argued.

"Gibbs can do it!" Abby said happily. "He's old enough to be her dad!"

"Thanks for that, Abs," Gibbs growled.

"Not a problem, my silver haired fox," Abs grinned.

"Perfect!" Garcia said, clapping her hands. "YOU," Garcia said, pointing to Tony, "will do nothing but stand silently next to Agent Rossi and not move a single muscle."

"Hey! Why do I feel like I'm being singled out?" Tony asked belligerently.

Narrowing her eyes on him, Pen continued, "Do not make me tie you up and stuff you in a closet that I might conveniently forget was occupied when we vacate this lovely suite. I won't hesitate to have your existence erased if you screw this up for your sister."

Gulping, Tony nodded. "Shutting up now."

Nodding to Emily and Abby, Garcia ordered, "You two are responsible for wedding music. My laptop has a wide selection of appropriate songs."

"Oooohhhh! Do you have any Newlydeads? Android Lust? They'd be perfect!"

Abby yelled, bouncing up and down.

Shaking her head, Garcia sighed. "Small revision. Emily, you are in charge of choosing some appropriate music. Abs, you make sure it plays."

"Spoilsport," Abs pouted.

"And, I'll help the bride finish getting ready. Really, honey, you cannot get married in a dress that has grease stains on it!" Emma huffed.

"Mama, I only HAVE one dress," JJ said, looking down at the smudges on her gown. "And I never plan on needing another one again. This one is fine." Allowing Dave to help her stand, JJ muttered, "No one and nothing else is changing. We're gonna get this done before the building implodes around us!"

"Amen, sister! Preach it! Now, somebody call Hotch and tell him to get his ass up here with the rest of the family. We're gonna do this thing in the next half hour if it kills me!"


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Flopping back against the leather seat of the limo two hours later, JJ stared down at her left ring finger and whispered, "It's really over! We did it. We ended this day married!"

"Did you really doubt it?" Dave asked, pressing a kiss to her neck as he wrapped his arms around her from behind and drew her against his chest.

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" JJ said in disbelief.

"Good point. But, it's permenant, honey. Your father made that real clear, several times, during the ceremony. I do believe he invoked every threat in the Old Testament if I ever even thought for a millisecond about leaving you."

"You mean between asking me over and over again, if I was absolutely, undeniably, irrevocably positive I wanted to do this?"

"Don't forget the never ending comments about my advanced age from your mother," Dave laughed.

"Well, watching Emily and Tony snipe at each other was fun, at least."

"And Pen's continued threats to annihilate the entire group added a little extra flavor to the ceremony," Dave grinned.

"Then there was the snickering from Abby's direction about Gibbs being old enough to be my father ever couple of minutes. I didn't think the ceremony was ever going to end," JJ sighed.

"Oh, but it did…and now the rest of our lives can begin," Dave murmured against her cheek.

"And if I recall, you promised me a honeymoon that I would never forget," JJ whispered, leaning back against the man she'd married.

Pulling her into his lap, Dave nodded. "I did. But I say we start celebrating right now, Mrs. Rossi. At the very least, I can give you a preview of upcoming events."

"As long as the coming days are nothing like the previous few, I'm for never leaving that island. I'll have you. I'll have Henry. That's all I need."

Kissing her soundly, Dave murmured against her lips, "I'm all for that, honey. We got the rest of our lives together. What God and your father have joined together, no ancient curse can tear apart."

THE END


End file.
